FUN WITH JANE

Last modified: Saturday, January 6, 2001 6:20 PM

female spacesuit doll

 

female spacesuit doll Hasbro's Jane figure is pretty hideous when she's standing butt-nekkid. Besides the obvious concessions to articulation in her appearance, she's a little too anemic for my personal tastes, and exudes bland wholesomeness. Yuck. The ugly articulation seams can be hidden by the outfit though, and following that line of reasoning, it doesn't really matter what stuff looks like underneath: It's all façade. Consequently, you can get away with some slightly "dishonest" modeling-- only bothering with the parts which show under normal circumstances. Take exposed flesh for example: why bother painting any more than would usually show, when if stripped nekkid, the figure would look ugly anyway? It's an intriguing thought, but in reality we tend to go a bit farther than we absolutely need to. Still, time is money...

This is a quick & tacky custom job spun off from the "Mall Gal" project. I felt obligated to come up with something sex or violence-themed, as counterpoint to the titilating pictures of my last article's home-made vacuforming machine. As usual, there's an attempt to do something different here: You surely noticed that this Jane has been blessed with some super bouyant breast balloons! These represent a milestone for me in their amazing ability to defy gravity, bulging forth proudly as if to proclaim "I am"... or "See me, feel me, touch me, peel me..."

This screamed for an outfit which similarly dealt with the theme of gravity, so that the whole thing would reek of some kind of artsy unity. Rather than do any real work, I just rearranged parts from commercial products, including Major Gil Jones and a spiffy Hasbro space suit. Therefore, it's only logical that she should be named Major Guillermina "Jalapeño" Joñes (pronounced "Ho-nyes") Notice that the outfit creates the illusion of the overall "beefiness" of the figure, and hides the fact that underneath it all is a skinny-legged Jane with very little meat on her bones.

The only part of the figure which has been altered (besides the makeup job on the face), is the upper torso region. This was lovingly reworked to comic parody proportions. This is the only section which was painted too, which made this a really quick & easy job. Interestingly, the exaggerated, absurd look of the nekkid figure is toned down by the outfit, and makes her look somewhat voluptuous, even wearing a bunch of plastic parts.

So any Jane can become a Guillermina, PDQ. As I have previously noted, before massaging any putty, it's essential to study the Table of Titular Forms to work your way through the difficult issues, and adjust yourself mentally to the task. Contrary to popular belief, it's not simply a matter of plunking down blobs of putty. One must concentrate on capturing the artistry and subtlety inherent in the curves of the form. Even in defiance of gravity, the curves convey meaning. Poor rendering can destroy the illusion, and show the difference between breasts that merely do and those that truly soar.

Thanks to Martin Bower, a true source of inspiration.