JIMBOB'S HOUSE OF HORRORS

Whip out your Dremel, grab your soldering iron and warm up your heatgun... we got some torturing to do!

Wow! A Jedi Lightsabre! Now I can make a Graflex Battery Holder!


I like Ike... In fact, I like him so much I'm going to transsexualize his body. Fortunately, his head's been safely grafted onto a Cotswold body, and in the process, lost about 50 scale pounds!

Well, I thought this would be a good candidate for a buxomization because of the plastic. Rather than use a blow-molded body, I chose this sucker because it's a thick & hard plastic, so it should be fairly easy to work, right? Hah! This plastic is too hard! It's taken a long time to sand & grind down, and then there's the silky smooth finish I wanna get... Gad, I'm gonna have to putty over every inch of plastic, just to get a sandable surface. Plus, the rubber arms and legs... they don't like to be sanded, but in this case, they're no worse than the hard plastic torso. I'm willing to spend lots of time going through some unusual customization steps, like sawing off arms... But when it turns into an endless sanding exercise, I get bored!

Hey! She's kind of modest, and this isn't supposed to be a porno site. She needs work... rather, she needs to be worked on. Well, the fact that she's normally dressed removes some of the motivation for me to really finish her. If I were gonna do that, here's the list: thin her arms & wrists; feminize the musculature on the legs some more; thin her neck; finish the finish. Her torso is fairly well sanded down, but there are still some lumps in her thighs.

I'd like to comment on the CC bodies-- they're too heavy. I am not an engineer, but I do know a few intuitive and common sense things like how much weight a friction-tensioned joint can support. The design of this body shows very little attention to how it actually works. It seems to me that they just derived it from previous toolings, thinking that they'd use the same materials and add some more articulation. Well, it doesn't work! I have a solution for the ankle tensioning problem which is described at Leo Sutedja's site under "Articles" (Cotswold Gears #2), but that solution can't address some of the other problem joints.

Since I'm a-bitchin' & a-whinin', let me show you these. Here we have something really nasty! When Hasbro rereleased the 12" GI Joe line, they scoured the country for the worst designers they could find and got them to come up with a body style with less articulation than their 3.75" line, and encased the clickety-click joints with a rubber skin. I mean a thick rubber skin. Since I am a curious person, and show little regard for the sanctity of a true collectible, I decided to flay open the skin and see what's inside. Whoa! Beneath the layer of "lifelike" rubber, I found a limp plastic skeleton! The picture on the left shows that travesty with improved articulation, sort of on its way to becoming a Borg Queen. I had to weld on brass tubing at the arms and legs to rigidize them and provide sockets for the hands and feet. Yuk. What a nasty project.

The picture on the right shows a "Workin' Out" Barbie, sans head (duh). Now this body holds some promise, I think. It's fairly cheap & light-- and the articulation that's there is pretty darn good. Of course it has lots of problems for me to whine about: Whoops! they forgot the articulation at the hands and feet; Great Googly-Moogly! What happened to her legs?!!! And that emaciated waist? Looks like I'm going to have to put her on a beer & bananas diet.

In closing, let me say that I do know that these are supposed to be toys and not sex dolls or museum pieces! As such, they work very well, and the companies involved do very good work. I appreciate the fact that I can take their products and use them as fodder for these useless but amusing projects.


Last modified: Saturday, January 6, 2001 6:20 PM